114 year old sailing vessel Vega - From The Masthead 5

Blue holes and other optical delusions

Every child knows that black holes are areas of space where gravity is so strong that anything, including light, which comes too close is sucked in. Great brains tell us that black holes come in all shapes and sizes. They range from galaxy sucking monsters down to tiny little pests the size of pinheads. What I keep asking my is why it took all those great scientific brains so long to discover something that any sailor could have told them about over 2,000 years ago. In fact those same great brains have yet to discover the Blue Hole.

That’s right Blue Holes. Those mysterious space time warps which cause items aboard boats to magically disappear and reappear in spaces where they could never gain access by normal means.

It is my learned opinion that every boat is actually an assembly of blue holes held together by a restraining hull immersed in a water bath. Something inherent to the construction of boats attracts blue holes and once within the reach of a particular boats attraction field those blue holes are unable to escape. This causes them to congregate in and around the confines of a hull.

This effect is not limited to the hull itself, it also affects all items attached to that hull. It is a known fact that Blue holes tend to congregate around the tops of masts or in common ditty bags. You know, those little canvas bags we all use to carry tools and parts with us when we go up the mast.

Try this experiment. Place a few tools in a ditty bag then while standing on deck reach into the bag and you will easily find whatever tool you want. Now, take the same bag up to the masthead and watch what happens. The higher you go the more those tools in your bag will be affected by the multi dimensional blue hole force. Once at the top of the mast you can rummage in that bag all day long and never find the tool you want. That is because blue hole anti matter has translated the object in question into the twilight zone.

Bilges are another high-risk area existing on the boundaries of Cerulean physics. Every sailor knows that any object falling into the bilge instantly enters a twilight zone of improbable physics. A zone where simple mechanics, not to mention logic, no longer apply. How else can one explain the fact that objects dropped in at the stern can almost instantly migrate to the bow?

Anchorages are great places to test these phenomena. Any concentration of Blue holes will cause a warping of ones sense of depth and distance. The larger the boat the more blue holes that boat contains, therefore the greater this effect becomes. Have you ever noticed how upon approaching a nice lonely little bay for the night it magically shrinks to a minuscule size while you try desperately to find a place with enough swing room to anchor?

The shore closes in dramatically. The bottom appears to rise. Then once securely anchored you find you’re still halfway out into the fairway and what seemed like only feet between the bow and the beach has magically transformed into hundreds of yards. OK says you and up comes the anchor for a more studied and closer approach.

Much maneuvering later, and usually after a few of those choice four letter words your mother said you should never use, you find your self right back where you were! The interaction between beaches and blue holes refuses to let you get any closer. It’s that simple.

Beaches are actually not firmly set against allowing itinerate yachtsmen, and women, to spoil their pristine beauty. True it offends their innate sense of esthetics having untidy footprints marring their carefully sculpted shores but in reality it is their repulsion of blue holes that causes this effect. You see blue holes cannot exist on land even on beautiful isolated beaches.

That said there are several instances where blue holes can and do exist on shore. You see blue holes are very lazy. They far prefer that you carry them to a nice snug boat rather than having to search one out for themselves. That is why they congregate in places where boating items or sailors are found. In ancient times certain unscrupulous business people successfully discovered methods of harnessing this characteristic of blue holes to their advantage. Here is how it works.

Just as blue holes are attracted to a boats hull; boat owners are also attracted to blue holes. Chandleries, marinas, and sea front bars long ago discovered this relationship and have profited endlessly from it.

If you doubt the attraction blue holes have on sailors just ask yourself when was the last time you walked past a new chandlery and didn’t go in for a look. You were drawn into the field of the chandleries unattached blue holes and it was the combined enticement of all those homeless blue holes that made you buy the shinny new gimbaled plastic cup holders your first mate has been complaining about ever sense.

This clearly explains the abundance of totally useless items that tend to accumulate on even the most frugal of boats. Those items, although serving no useful purpose what so ever, did serve to transport additional blue holes onto your boat. This also explains why you can empty the entire boats contents onto a pier, and after disposing of at least half the junk there, when you repack the remaining items your lockers are still stuffed full. The blue holes have simply expanded filling all available space with lost items in temporary twilight zone storage from other boats.

Allusions to this psychical manifestation can be found in linguistics. Take the famous French Cote D’Azure, which means Blue Coast. This entire stretch of coast is notorious for its high concentration of yachts and for the way money disappears from its visitor’s pockets at such an alarming rate.

So the old adage that boats are merely holes in the water into which one throws money is actually not that far off the mark. In reality what happens is that blue holes existing within and around boats have a great affinity for the metaphysical structure we call money and there fore suck it into their zone of negative existence at a higher than usual rate.
The real question is what happens to objects once they pass beyond the boundaries of logical existence and into the grasp of blue holes. I for one am working on a method of liberating all those captive items. Should I succeed I shall never again lack shackle pins, wrenches, lighters, or the thousands of other items blue holes have been hording away ever sense man first discovered boats. Imagine what a chandlery and antique shop I could open with such an endless supply of boating items from all the ages, and if I add a bar I can serve tall blue drinks called “ Cobalt Screws”.

Vega, Baltic trader, Gaff rig, square rig, traditional, classic, Vessel, Historical, volunteer, sailing, Shane Granger, Meggi Macoun

Blue holes and other optical delusions

Every child knows that black holes are areas of space where gravity is so strong that anything, including light, which comes too close is sucked in. Great brains tell us that black holes come in all shapes and sizes. They range from galaxy sucking monsters down to tiny little pests the size of pinheads. What I keep asking my is why it took all those great scientific brains so long to discover something that any sailor could have told them about over 2,000 years ago. In fact those same great brains have yet to discover the Blue Hole.

That’s right Blue Holes. Those mysterious space time warps which cause items aboard boats to magically disappear and reappear in spaces where they could never gain access by normal means.

It is my learned opinion that every boat is actually an assembly of blue holes held together by a restraining hull immersed in a water bath. Something inherent to the construction of boats attracts blue holes and once within the reach of a particular boats attraction field those blue holes are unable to escape. This causes them to congregate in and around the confines of a hull.

This effect is not limited to the hull itself, it also affects all items attached to that hull. It is a known fact that Blue holes tend to congregate around the tops of masts or in common ditty bags. You know, those little canvas bags we all use to carry tools and parts with us when we go up the mast.

Try this experiment. Place a few tools in a ditty bag then while standing on deck reach into the bag and you will easily find whatever tool you want. Now, take the same bag up to the masthead and watch what happens. The higher you go the more those tools in your bag will be affected by the multi dimensional blue hole force. Once at the top of the mast you can rummage in that bag all day long and never find the tool you want. That is because blue hole anti matter has translated the object in question into the twilight zone.

Bilges are another high-risk area existing on the boundaries of Cerulean physics. Every sailor knows that any object falling into the bilge instantly enters a twilight zone of improbable physics. A zone where simple mechanics, not to mention logic, no longer apply. How else can one explain the fact that objects dropped in at the stern can almost instantly migrate to the bow?

Anchorages are great places to test these phenomena. Any concentration of Blue holes will cause a warping of ones sense of depth and distance. The larger the boat the more blue holes that boat contains, therefore the greater this effect becomes. Have you ever noticed how upon approaching a nice lonely little bay for the night it magically shrinks to a minuscule size while you try desperately to find a place with enough swing room to anchor?

The shore closes in dramatically. The bottom appears to rise. Then once securely anchored you find you’re still halfway out into the fairway and what seemed like only feet between the bow and the beach has magically transformed into hundreds of yards. OK says you and up comes the anchor for a more studied and closer approach.

Much maneuvering later, and usually after a few of those choice four letter words your mother said you should never use, you find your self right back where you were! The interaction between beaches and blue holes refuses to let you get any closer. It’s that simple.

Beaches are actually not firmly set against allowing itinerate yachtsmen, and women, to spoil their pristine beauty. True it offends their innate sense of esthetics having untidy footprints marring their carefully sculpted shores but in reality it is their repulsion of blue holes that causes this effect. You see blue holes cannot exist on land even on beautiful isolated beaches.

That said there are several instances where blue holes can and do exist on shore. You see blue holes are very lazy. They far prefer that you carry them to a nice snug boat rather than having to search one out for themselves. That is why they congregate in places where boating items or sailors are found. In ancient times certain unscrupulous business people successfully discovered methods of harnessing this characteristic of blue holes to their advantage. Here is how it works.

Just as blue holes are attracted to a boats hull; boat owners are also attracted to blue holes. Chandleries, marinas, and sea front bars long ago discovered this relationship and have profited endlessly from it.

If you doubt the attraction blue holes have on sailors just ask yourself when was the last time you walked past a new chandlery and didn’t go in for a look. You were drawn into the field of the chandleries unattached blue holes and it was the combined enticement of all those homeless blue holes that made you buy the shinny new gimbaled plastic cup holders your first mate has been complaining about ever sense.

This clearly explains the abundance of totally useless items that tend to accumulate on even the most frugal of boats. Those items, although serving no useful purpose what so ever, did serve to transport additional blue holes onto your boat. This also explains why you can empty the entire boats contents onto a pier, and after disposing of at least half the junk there, when you repack the remaining items your lockers are still stuffed full. The blue holes have simply expanded filling all available space with lost items in temporary twilight zone storage from other boats.

Allusions to this psychical manifestation can be found in linguistics. Take the famous French Cote D’Azure, which means Blue Coast. This entire stretch of coast is notorious for its high concentration of yachts and for the way money disappears from its visitor’s pockets at such an alarming rate.

So the old adage that boats are merely holes in the water into which one throws money is actually not that far off the mark. In reality what happens is that blue holes existing within and around boats have a great affinity for the metaphysical structure we call money and there fore suck it into their zone of negative existence at a higher than usual rate.

The real question is what happens to objects once they pass beyond the boundaries of logical existence and into the grasp of blue holes. I for one am working on a method of liberating all those captive items. Should I succeed I shall never again lack shackle pins, wrenches, lighters, or the thousands of other items blue holes have been hording away ever sense man first discovered boats. Imagine what a chandlery and antique shop I could open with such an endless supply of boating items from all the ages, and if I add a bar I can serve tall blue drinks called “ Cobalt Screws”.