I think the people that create racing rules should be keel hauled naked through shark-infested water for the good and safety of the boating community at large. It’s not that I’m against racing. I think it can be great good fun and of coarse, admit it or not, two sailboats going the same direction at the same time is automatically a race. No, it’s not the racing I object to, but what its rules have done to boat designs.

Back in the days of great designers like Hereshoff, Archer, and Alden, boats were strong seaworthy vessels first and fast second. There was good and logical reason for this trend. Vacations being rare in those days’ sailors didn’t often get to visit the 1800’s version of the Club Med. As a result most sailors couldn’t swim.

The mere thought of what would happen to big windows on a reverse transom when pooped would have scared the whole lot of them into becoming date farmers in the Sahara. Besides, what sailor in his right mind wanted to imitate Captain Bligh’s famous voyage in a ships boat just for some silly racing rule? No the old sailors were sensible, even if they couldn’t wind surf.

I am an unreconstructed traditionalist, and it makes me shudder every time I see a boat with a sheer that goes up when it should go down or a transom that goes in when it should go out. I would just love to see a big breaking wave get it’s teeth into one of those reverse sloping transoms, complete with big plastic widows, stairs, and a dive platform. The glee, and poetic justice, would be even greater if that aft cabin were occupied by the committee for off shore racing rules when it happened. 

My only comment is: if you want a longer water line build a bigger boat, or come to think of it why not just use the hull that’s already there. I mean geez; can you imagine all those really smart racing guys paying a lot of money just to get a smaller boat? It might just be comprehensible if all racing boats belonged to psychiatrists, lawyers, or advertising executives.

Look at one next time your in the marina. A whole double bunk with half a cabin is wasted there. Then imagine this really intelligent guy paying some space age engineer big money to scientifically waste all that space for him.

And while I’m on about engineers, computers, and test tanks do you think they ever put miniature fishnets, fish pots, or even tree trunks into those tanks during tests? Of coarse they don’t. They test new designs in perfect conditions.

Perhaps that failure stems from living in a computer controlled; air conditioned environment, and only going sailing on beautiful weekends. I’m sure that's how so many boats with spade rudders and fin keels slip through the testing process to ultimately find innocent potential cruisers as buyers.

Spade rudders are just asking for trouble. Imagine the most important part of a boat, hanging out there open and unprotected. Why not just paint a sign on it saying, “break here”, perhaps adding a dotted line for clarity? Or even better, just break them in the factories and save each new owner the trouble? 

I for one readily admit to giggling with glee every time I see a twisted spade rudder in the boat yard, so why not dream of the ultimate laugh, a fin keeled boat with it’s plank bowsprit shoved up its own reversed transom stern? It may be anatomically impossible today, but just give all those bright young engineers a few more years, along with bigger computers, and who knows.

The executive that really deserves our applause is the one who came up with boating shoes. I prefer the oxymoron “deck shoes”.  Do you realize how many millions of dollars are spent every year on boating shoes whose soles never caress a deck?

Think about it. You buy a new pair of super cool yachting shoes for what? So you can walk around on land and advertise that you’re a yachtie. Must be that because as soon as you get back to the boat off they come before you even set foot on the deck. Look at all those boats with signs that say “no shoes”. The closest most boating shoes ever come to walking a deck is the pier beside the boat.

Thinking about it the super slip resistant soles on those shoes could be a comment on the anti skid qualities of decks carefully oiled or polished to a sheen that makes walking on them at sea seem like roller skating on an ice rink during an earth quake. The truth is that when the poodle poo is finally well and truly in the ventilator the majority of modern yachties are down below reflecting on the value of their boat and the cost of a mountainside farm. The boat is most likely lying to on a parachute anchor.

I’ll make no comments about parachute anchors working or not, because what ever gets you through a bad storm is fantastic. What I will say is that airplane manufacturers originally invented parachutes to save the lives of pilots when their shinny new flying machines suddenly stopped flying. The reason being that with so few pilots about it was bad for business to loose any of them. After all how could a splat in farmer John's field buy another airplane?

 I think boat manufacturers are using the same psychology today. After all with spade rudders, reverse transoms, and all the other gadgets they foist off on innocent cruisers maybe we actually need a parachute on board. In any case when you finally do sail off the end of the earth a parachute will make a wonderful safety feature.